Thursday, June 21, 2012

A little bit of everything...

It has been a fairly successful last couple days. I've had a bit of an issue overeating a bit, but I know what's caused it. Boredom. I am getting so freakin' bored in this house all day with nothing to do. Sigh. I got some new books though, so that should keep me occupied for all of a week. I am gonna go to the library though and get a library card so I can always have a steady supply of reading material.

Today was my first day back at Curves, and it felt really good! That's all the exercise I did today, but gotta start somewhere right?? I can't get the stupid Zumba Wii game to work. It comes with this belt you are supposed to wear, but the damn thing doesn't fit me! (Which as you can imagine made me feel really good about myself...) So, I don't know what to do. I can't return it cause it's open, but it won't work. So I guess one of my goals is to lose enough weight to fit in the stupid belt thing. I do still have that Biggest Loser Yoga and some walking DVDs so I'll do those and Curves for now. Or just turn on some music real loud when Patrick isn't home and dance around the house for an hour or so :]

Tried my juicer for the first time today. Used carrot, apple and beet. Seriously...beet is nasty!! Like...the vegetable of the devil. Or people with no taste buds. The beet also upset my stomach, which I read about but I thought it was if you ingested large amounts. I guess my stomach is predisposed to hate beets too. Needless to say, I won't be using beets anymore. I'm gonna try and look up some recipes, but I probably won't be able to juice very much as of now cause I have to use that money for actual food.

Still haven't heard back in regards to that job at Petsmart, which is really discouraging. I hate that these places won't even give me a chance. I have experience working with animals, not to mention and insane love and passion for animals, and I understand animals really well. I'd be a fantastic asset to these places, they would be lucky to have me, but for some reason what I have to offer just isn't good enough. There is nothing I want more than to work with animals, dogs in particular, but I don't know what to do. If I can't even get a job as a dog bather, how the hell am I going to succeed at an actual career with dogs/animals?? (This is probably my tendency to be really negative about myself talking) Something else I've considered doing off and on is becoming a elementary school teacher. I think I would enjoy it, but I know it wouldn't fulfill me as much as doing something with animals would. I just feel like Fresno is suffocating me....it's comfortable here, but I can't grow here anymore. How can I leave though? The thought of taking an adventure somewhere else scares me, and it's not like I can just go off on my own anymore.

I hate that I finally feel like I'm getting one aspect of my life heading in a positive direction, and then more crap seems to pop up. I wish mom were here. She would know what to say. She always had this way of putting everything in perfect perspective for me...making me believe that I really could do anything. I just miss her so much. Sometimes I wonder how I'm managing to get up out of bed in the morning, but I like to think it's cause she's there with me, lending me some of her amazing strength. I know the pain will never go away, but I hope one day it'll be easier.

I guess this blog is more of an update/ramble. A ramdate??  Not trying to be a negative pants, but this stuff has been weighing on my mind, and well, it is my blog after all :P It can't be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Sometimes the sun gets covered with clouds, but it will always be back to shine brightly again.





1 comment:

  1. Keep at it dude and remember Fresberg is one of the hardest places in the country to get a job(FACT)! There are a ton of different factors that go into being hired/not being hired somebody may have been leaving and then decided to stay people transferring in and out so on and so forth. Retail is like that, just keep trying and don't get down on yourself! Anyhow, as bored as you are it's kind of a good thing right now(in my opinion. You are changing your life. It has been really difficult for me to change my eating habits, exercise AND fit that around working full time. It require a ton of concentration for you do it into it without the temptation. Where I work is right next to a mall food court, it's was a nightmare just starting out. Keep your head up and keep posting!

    ReplyDelete