I have no idea who said that, or remember where I even saw it at, but that single phrase has haunted me for the last week. Fear of failure is something that I really struggle with, and has kept me from doing a lot of things. For some reason, seeing it written out like that kind of slapped me in the face and made me really stop and think about things. If success was guaranteed, what would I focus my energies on? What would I spend my time doing? What would I want to accomplish in my life? Granted, I know that failures are inevitable. As my high school music teacher used to say, "Don't quit because you are afraid to fail. Every time you fail you learn, and every time you learn you succeed." If only I could convince my brain of that!
Having such a fear of failure means that I have become a master at talking myself out of things and when small set backs happen, I turn them into something that represents complete and utter defeat. Good God, even writing that out sounds exhausting. How am I still sane? Well...sane is debatable I guess. I'm a rather odd character I think (*cough* ADD *cough*).
If there is one thing I'm not short on...it's dreams. All of which pertain to my one true love in life, which if you know me at all, you will know is animals. I have a list of things I want to accomplish a mile long, and what's more important is that I have the passion to back up these dreams. So what the hell is my problem? I've always been really interested in animal behavior, so I thought dog training would be great. Talked myself out of it. Discovered animal massage and aquatic therapy, wanted to create my own companion animal wellness center with massage, aquatic therapy and aromatherapy. Talked myself out of it. Found the only accredited university in the world that offers Associates, Bachelor and Masters degrees in canine studies. Talked myself out of it. How am I ever going to get ANYWHERE if I keep convincing myself I can't do these things? I mean, seriously, not to sound full of myself, but I would be amazing at all those things. So, again I have to ask what the hell is wrong with me?
Dang. I feel like my life is just passing me by, and before I know it I'm going to be 50 and not have accomplished anything. Just a useless waste of space that could be put to better use by someone else. I mean, this is such a touchy subject with me that I actually lied to people I haven't seen since I graduated high school because I was to ashamed to admit that I have nothing really to show for the 7 years I've been out of high school.
If I take a step back and look at things from outside myself, the common denominator I see in all of this is fear. A line from the new Will Smith movie coming out soon, called After Earth, has a rather powerful line in it about fear. It is as follows;
"You must realize, that fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do no misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
Man. What a powerful statement.
So, I guess what it all comes down to, is choice. Do I choose to be afraid. To view failures not as learning experiences, but as dead ends. To give up and settle. Or do I choose to pick myself back up, no matter how many times it takes. To look adversity in the eye and persevere. To go after my dreams and passions with everything I've got. After all, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging me back with difficulties, that just means that it's going to launch me into something great. I just have to keep aiming.
Alright world. Lets do this.
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